Haters will hate

Shooting has begun on the second season of Sanditon, the ITV/PBS series based on the novel Jane Austen left unfinished at her death. A PBS press release issued last week informs us that the new story will pick up nine months after the first season’s cliffhanger ending, in which our beloved hero, the dark, brooding, super-handsome, secretly sensitive Sidney Parker. . .

--Psst! Best not to say any more about him. --Wait--what? --Look, just trust me on this, OK? --Fine. Whatever. I never liked that guy anyway.

. . . . and this time our heroine, Charlotte Heywood, “attracts the attention of not one, but two new men”! And heiress Georgiana Lambe, “keen to forge her own identity, gets up to mischief in the name of love”! And “Tom. . . strives to rebuild Sanditon, but there are many unforeseen issues awaiting him”! And “the secrets and lies of the dysfunctional Denhams” make waves!

--I thought you said this was a new season. --It is! It’s so cool! --But this sounds exactly like the first season. --Shut up! You just don’t want there to be happiness in the world, do you?

The absolutely-brand-spanking-new-completely-unlike-anything-yet-seen season will feature delightful new characters: Alexander Colbourne, Francis Lennox, Alison Heywood, William Carter, Declan Fraser, and Charles Lockhart! All of them played by exceedingly good-looking young actors!

--I thought you said this was a Jane Austen show. --It is! What’s the problem? --None of these characters was created by Jane Austen. --Jeez! I can’t stand you Janeite purists!

And did I mention that the new actors are super, super good-looking? I mean, just scroll down and click through that gallery! Apparently, everyone in the Regency was born with bedroom eyes! Was it a genetic thing, do you think? Or maybe something about the nutrition back then?

--Some grad student needs to get on this, pronto. “The Eyes Have It: The Smoldering Glance in the Age of Austen.” The dissertation practically writes itself. --See, now you’re getting into the spirit of this thing! --You really don’t understand sarcasm, do you? --Wait--what?